Last time i used to think that i have to be a fillial daughter and all.. But now i just cant.. I have tried for so mani years.. Till today, i finally know i cant..

Wats the use of trying to put myself in her shoes.. when she doesnt even try to understand my situation at all..

I know that she's tight on cash.. so i made a mental note.. i would set aside a sum of money each month for her.. even how tight i am.. i would stil give it to her..
I know i havent been spending much time at home.. so yea.. i tried to make it up to her.. sometimes just sitting down and talk.. but often these small talks lead to arguments.. i get tired..
I treated her to dinner cos i know its a long time since i ate wif her.. and yet, the comments i got was tt why did i waste money...
I know she's worried for mi.. and its natural.. so i compromise.. i inform her of my whereabouts.. but each time i give in a step.. she take advantage of it.. and take a bigger step of controlling mi.. Till a point i start to back away..
I know she's heartbroken over some things.. so i always listen to her.. and even encourage her to go out more often to relax herself..

And yet, for all these.. in the end.. she said tt i hated her... it realli hurt mi alot.. no matter the indifference i felt from the way she treated mi compared to my brother.. it didnt hurt as much...

This time i am realli hurt... my tears cant help falling down..

I know this time.. its gonna affect mi alot.. its gonna even affect the way i see things now.. i am trying not to let it change mi..

I am sick of everything.. its always over money tt spark off all the arguments.. what the hell..

I need someone by my side.. I wanna look for him.. I know maybe he's tired.. But.. suddenly i felt so un-loved.. No calls to ask if i am home safely.. Not even a msg.. I know i cant blame him.. cos i did not tell him abt wats going on now.. I am so tired of speaking my mind.. I used to seek comfort in myself.. bcos i believe that no one understands mi more than myself.. and i know i have the power to control my emotions and thoughts.. right now, I just cant find the power anymore.. I dont know who i can seek comfort in anymore.. Suddenly, everything seems so empty.. Everything within mi seems gone..

I want to be understanding... n i try so hard to be.. But fuck.. for once, can anyone even understand how i feel right now?? I guess not...